1. |
Good Morning
00:29
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2. |
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Wake up, heart beaten but I’m broken in two
With a head full of mourning and nothing to do
Face in the dirt, I can dream myself to life
Alarm bells screaming and the message is clear
I don’t think that I’ll fix myself this calendar year
Caught in a loop, my esteem declines to fight
Trying to get better, but I got no answers
Stab at my heart just to cut out the cancer
With skin pulled over frail bones stuck within
I’ve never been so lonely or so painfully thin
Bitter pills to choke, but it’s all that I know when I’m feeding the monster in me
Killing off the hours is progress of sorts
I dig for words of comfort without checking the source
But I wrote the essay, the book and the study of lying and how to conceal
What’s killing me?
Trying to get better, but I got no answers
Stab at my heart just to cut out the cancer
Stuck in my head forever after
One day I’ll find words, and they will be simple, I swear
But these bones have had all that they can bear
And my chest is a maze, while my tongue talks itself in knots
But I’m not a poster boy for good health, ‘cause I can hardly stay awake and I’m barely holding on
Trying to get better, but I got no answers
Stab at my heart just to cut out the cancer
Stuck in my head forever after
One day I’ll find words, and they will be simple, I swear
But these bones have had all that they can bear
Let’s take a walk down every new nightmare
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3. |
What You Burn
03:22
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I’m Charlie Fear, and this is my partner in rage
We got the all important horrors today
Replayed, all day, from the second you stir
Prepare to have your headwashed or whatever my paycheque prefers
Lead me far away
‘Cause I don’t wanna be here anymore
As I suffocate, now
We go round, I’m stuck in hell
24 hours on a carousel
Say goodbye and say farewell
To the world that you know
With pinned back eyes and a rabid obsession to know
The indiscretions and the fear they sow
I’m bloodshot wise, with hypertension to feed
I swallow fear for every breakfast, and hatred every other damn meal
Lead me far away
‘Cause I don’t wanna be here anymore
As I suffocate, now
We go round, I’m stuck in hell
24 hours on a carousel
Say goodbye and say farewell
To the world that you know
There’s no broadcast without smoke
What we reap is what you stoke
Breathing stories till we choke
On the world that we know
Pan away from love and zoom in on all our flaws
No bulletin has solved more problems than it caused
Bad news travels fast but our nightmares travel faster
We interrupt our scheduled hell for an even worse disaster
With the TV on and your head turned off
Trying to figure out how we could get so lost
It’s a three square con, and we eat because
We’re a country built on shame, and taking pleasure in everyone’s loss
Take us far away
We don’t deserve to be here anymore
Let us suffocate, now
We go round, I’m stuck in hell
24 hours on a carousel
Say goodbye and say farewell
To the world that you know
There’s no broadcast without smoke
What we reap is what you stoke
Breathing stories till we choke
On the world that we know
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4. |
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My poor brain won’t eat this time
With a little bit of smile and an uncommittal try
To wake up, stay present and speak
But the melodies playing won’t let me think
Straight to the main course, ‘cause they won’t shut up
And I pour my sorry from the bottle to the cup
So we drink and we talk but I’m deaf to the source
I’m a ghost in this house and it’s part of the curse
Scream my name, I won’t hear it
Reset and start again
I’ll scream the words, I can’t listen
To the message contained
Scream my fucking name, I won’t hear it
Reset, just start again
I’ll scream the words, I can’t listen
I don’t think that I’m OK
My poor feet won’t move in time
With a little way left, and a brain not right
You tell me, I don’t seem OK
And you see inside I’m only afraid
Count three to the floor, you were right when I swore
In the middle of a break, and a little bit raw
I promise I’ll listen sometimes
If the melodies playing will let me try
Scream my name, I won’t hear it
Reset and start again
I’ll scream the words, I can’t listen
To the message contained
Scream my fucking name, I won’t hear it
Reset, just start again
I’ll scream the words, I can’t listen
I don’t think that I’m OK
Listen. Sometimes I wish I’d never started discussing
All the things that left me far from being fixed
I spend my waking hours hoping anything
And me could coexist
Scream my name, I won’t hear it
Reset and start again
I’ll scream the words, I can’t listen
To the message contained
Scream my fucking name, I won’t hear it
Reset, just start again
I’ll scream the words, I can’t listen
I don’t think that I’m OK
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5. |
Last One Standing Loses
04:02
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I tried my best at being honest
But ended up breaking my promise
I’m a fucking fraud, a mistake
How can I know just what you’re missing
When my monster never listens?
Choking on the words you give away
I know the air’s not always clean here
If you fit in, you disappear
Your demons or mine tonight?
I’m tired of saying goodnight
To best friends I just met
I know I said I’m fixed, but I’m still beaten
The crippling melancholy
Just hasn’t killed me yet
We’ll keep on fighting, and I’ll keep on trying, until I don’t need breath
I’m sick and bored of being victim
I’m dying up here, I don’t fit in
Morning blazing sun in my eyes
You make me feel like you have got me
I never felt so fucking lonely
Bones are screaming for a friend, I need you
I know the air’s not always clean here
If you fit in, you disappear
I’m done here, I’m done
I’m tired of saying goodnight
To best friends I just met
I know I said I’m fixed, but I’m still beaten
The crippling melancholy
Just hasn’t killed me yet
We’ll keep on fighting, and I’ll keep on trying, until I don’t need breath
I gave my heart to you, spoiled and unopened
You took it in, ‘cause I was haunted and broken
I let you down, I wish that I could do better
I couldn’t fix your problems or take the pressure
Waiting for last call
Hold on to what was
Waiting for last call
When you can’t walk
You just crawl
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6. |
Also, Spiders
03:20
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Don’t ask me, I won’t tell you
I’m a silent devotee
I’m mute ‘cause my words pollute
And I’m scared that you will breathe me
Don’t ask me how I’m doing
The knots aren’t worth undoing
I hang tough for a little bit of love
And a happiness that will be
Don’t tell them anything
I couldn’t talk, I was a burden from the start
Didn’t speak and I had my reasons
Every word that parts is a knife in my heart
Every syllable leaves me bleeding
Don’t ask me how I’m hanging
The vines aren’t worth untangling
I couldn’t share where the monsters stare
Or the pain that they are breeding
Don’t tell them anything
I can’t talk myself from the basement I made
So leave me shallow under here
I can’t speak myself out of this one
Don’t tell them anything
You gave me everything
So genuinely meaning
I can’t say anything
I can’t say anything yet
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7. |
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Every step we take is a rule we break
And we’re ever only moving backwards
But we push on more, ‘cause you always swore
That we never even meet your standards
Forgive me, I am sorry, but these wounds won’t stay unopened
When I say, believe me, the most beautiful people are broken
This self doubt means that we shout
But the void is always full of voices
And they echo back everything we lack
But we never know what the choice is
This day plays out like the first, with a little more pain and a little more curse
Believe me when I say that the most beautiful people are beautifully broken
Killing us with a thousand cuts, conquer and divide us
It’s all a game that we have lost too well
Can we get a little charity? Can we get a little empathy?
The joke’s on you, I only hate myself
It’s a war, with a prefix score
‘Cause the front page is permanently airbrushed
We abide by the rules, like naive fools
But the game is always fixed against us
Screaming at our souls you whisper everything we’re not
With every swipe, a sponsored snipe, ‘cause honesty can rot
Killing us with a thousand cuts, conquer and divide us
It’s all a game that we have lost too well
Can we get a little charity? Can we get a little empathy?
The joke’s on you, I only hate myself
Killing us with a thousand cuts, conquer and divide us
You rigged the game and now we can’t push through
Can we get a little charity? Can we get a little empathy?
The only thing I hate more than myself is you
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8. |
Breaking News
00:20
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9. |
NowsirawariswoN
02:54
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3, 2, 1 with a loaded gun, and my head will take the streets
With the launching codes, and a debt that’s owed, to make this mess all neat
You see a passing word and my mind hits “work”, unpacking everything a little untoward
A beat for you is a week for me, and my day is keeping score
So hit that trigger like a nuclear button
My brain shuts down and the rage comes, summoned
Take cover till the beast is gone
Give it a name to find your flaws and count them
Give it a name but it won’t solve the problem
I think I despise myself
‘Cause there is nothing else
I could be more, but I’m ever the less
A to the Z and my head agrees that the answer is more sleep
So get in the hearse, kill the light ‘cause it hurts, this is gonna take a week
I tried tuning in by naming this, my mind fought back by playing all the hits
“You’ve got no worth, no place on this earth” and “you should call it quits.”
So hit that trigger like a nuclear button
My brain shuts down and the rage comes, summoned
Take cover till the devil’s gone
Give it a name to find your flaws and count them
Give it a name but it won’t solve the problem
I think I despise myself
‘Cause there is nothing else
I could be more, but I’m ever the less
And there’s a life I try to hide
I spend my days, dreaming of a place, where me and fear can coincide
But there’s a problem with this answer
There’s no tool suitable to cut this cancer
1, 2, 3 with a quick apology that I can’t come out to play
‘Cause my weapons grade disorder said the last rites for my day
I know all the words, but not how they work, in my head there’s a beast and it feeds on the hurt
‘Cause I assumed that we were happy but I guess it never was
So hit that trigger like a nuclear button
My brain shuts down and the rage comes, summoned
Take cover till the freak is done
Give it a name to find your flaws and count them
Give it a name but it won’t solve the problem
I think I despise myself
Cause there is nothing else
I could be more, but I’m ever the less
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10. |
-24 Months Only-
03:56
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Snap out of it
Don’t be so proud of it
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
You’re acting like you love it
You will survive when the end of the world comes
‘Cause it’s all in your head
It could be worse because
you could be dead or deader
I don’t know why you look so sad
You should get well or weller
Try a smile so you don’t look depressed
Losing all the friends
My disease will kill or cleanse
What’s the cost in the end?
And where do you draw the line?
You put us here
Praying we would disappear
It’s not the end of the world
It’s just the fucking end of mine
You don’t look sick
How are you judging this?
You never told me you were ill
What’s your yardstick?
Have you tried any meditation?
Have you tried a new brain?
Take a bow, kid
To furious applause
There’s no shame in feeling bad
I got sad once
You’re welcome for your validation
Losing all the friends
My disease will kill or cleanse
What’s the cost in the end?
And where do you draw the line?
You put us here
Praying we would disappear
It’s not the end of the world
It’s just the fucking end of mine
Hit the snooze alarm kid, gimme five more minutes here
We can fix your problems in a little under two more years
My smile is breaking down, decaying with me in the earth
Tell me how much time you think we’re worth
Losing all the friends
My disease will kill or cleanse
What’s the cost in the end?
And where do you draw the line?
You put us here
Praying we would disappear
It’s not the end of the world
It’s just the fucking end of
You and me, you and me and this disease make three, I’m sorry
Please help me, I wanna be better than this, I’m better than this me
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11. |
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Bury me then I’ll never have to see
All the pain you’re consciously suspending
Three feet deep in a dirt bed sleep
Laughing but you’re only just pretending
This pain comes again, you never explain
That you can’t wake up in this way
Keep your broken dreams
Hit the light when you see your ghost
You don’t want a definition
Lock your door so no one knows
You’re not your condition
When they can see and you think you’re blind
A broken soul is just a dislocation, trust me
When they can taste and your tongue’s left dry
The bad dreams are just hallucinations, just be
You are more than one scar, you came this far
It’s my turn to hold your crushed heart
Take a hand from me
Hit the light when you see your ghost
You don’t want a definition
Lock your door so no one knows
You’re not your condition
Hit the light when you see your ghost
You don’t want a definition
Lock your door so no one knows
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12. |
Please Still Try
03:53
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Look at my smile, and my lifestyle, while I fall apart to pieces
Because I lost my head as I stockpile dread and my heart rate increases
Listen to my glee, ‘cause it guarantees that I barely ever breathe in
I’m missing, in part, all the strength in my heart and it cannot take the beating
Used to be, I’d be safe in my dreams
Now I’m afraid
Goodbye, sunshine
There’s no fix to report
There was a shame, that I couldn’t rename
And a sadness that you couldn’t support
Goodbye, sunshine
It was never your fault
There was unrest, that you couldn’t have guessed
Left me broken and a mess by default
See my heart, as it thwarts my restart every day I’m still here
Because the two of us couldn’t heal the cuts, and we never had the all clear
So touch my soul, I need damage control, ‘cause I can’t explain the readings
Just sit back, relax, let me lay out the facts and know I had my reasons
To be safe from my dreams, ‘cause I’m afraid
Every day
Goodbye, sunshine
There’s no fix to report
There was a shame, that I couldn’t rename
And a sadness that you couldn’t support
Goodbye, sunshine
It was never your fault
There was unrest, that you couldn’t have guessed
Left me broken and a mess by default
I can’t stop smiling ‘cause it’s all I ever have
To carry on surviving and to keep the horrors back
But they know where I live and where I try to hide
Please know that I did my best
And I genuinely tried
Yes I genuinely tried
Goodbye, sunshine
There’s no fix to report
There was a shame, that I couldn’t rename
And a sadness that you couldn’t support
Goodbye, sunshine
It was never your fault
There was unrest, that you couldn’t have guessed
Left me broken and a mess by default
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13. |
I Am A Disaster Movie
04:01
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So we’re trapped in our third act
This turning point is where I fight
With neck snapped, coffin packed
I think that maybe I’m the bad guy
My dimensions start to show
What I keep is what I sow
I start to rot
I understand now everything I’m not
Hey, that’s life
With more explosions and cool spies
I don’t see why
A little bit me, a little myself
A little bit of something else
I live with such disgust
My narcissism self-destructs
We’re not alone, too many dicks
And egos fighting for attention
Don’t ignore all their tricks
This story’s ramping up the tension
I’m exhausted dawn to dusk
Nauseous, my heart filled with rust
My sense of self-worth is defunct
A bitter word thrown, I figure I’ve shown my soul’s corrupt
Hey, that’s life
With more explosions and more spies
I see now why
A little bit me, a little myself
A little bit of something else
I’m nothing but disgust
When my foundations turn to dust
My heart will never be complete
If I can’t get back on my feet
You name the time and place
I’ll go and dig my grave
It’s all that I can do
My front conceals untold defeats
‘Cause I never get back on my feet
Cash me out, life is cheap
I wish that I could sleep
It’s all that I can do
I only dream of you
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14. |
Sleepwalk With Me
04:28
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Back in bed, and one day older
Another chance dead, and another day slower
Call the doctor, get the priest in quick
Nobody move so nobody gets sick
With a one track mind and a cold vendetta
‘Cause I wanna get well and you make me better
Turn the light on so the scars stay seen
This house, our souls, are clean
Filling my grave with all the hope I held together
Don’t wanna change I want to stay this way forever
I cross my heart and hope to die a little happier
Closed hearts will never be
Please wait up for me
With a mind too blind and the beast devoted
You came back and I guess you showed them
Eyes wide, let the rain soak in
We’ll be ok, let the roof cave in
Send a valentine to our shattered hearts
We can sign it together as we’re tearing apart
Come with me, see where we bled
I missed you every step
Filling my grave with all the hope I held together
Don’t wanna change I want to stay this way forever
I cross my heart and hope to die a little happier
Closed hearts will never be
Please wait up for me
Filling my grave with all the hope I held together
Don’t wanna change I want to stay this way forever
I cross my heart and hope to die a little happier
Closed hearts will never be
Please wait up for me
You’ve had the monsters on your shoulders since forever
So take my hand and we can fight that shit together
Let’s cross our hearts and hope to die a little happier
Full hearts will never lose
I’ll wait up for you
Send a valentine to my heart to mend her
Dream a happy ending for my disaster
Trying to get better but I got some answers
I’ll wait up for you
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15. |
Goodnight
00:37
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Call Me Malcolm England, UK
Razor-toothed, harmony infused, delicately ferocious ska. British 5-piece Call Me Malcolm exploded onto the Ska Punk scene in 2018 with a record described by ska legends Less Than Jake as "a saving grace of the genre." Malcolm's genre blending mastery and intricate songwriting has since crafted “some of the most special, unique, ambitious music in the punk underground.” (BrooklynVegan) ... more
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